Headfuckers

This, dear reader, is a precautionary tale about people, places or experiences that mess with your mind. Headfuckers. That’s it. The name gives the game away – they are bad news. As a one-off, they can provide you with a ‘WTF?’ moment and a story to tell your friends. Trust me, this is definitely the best case scenario.

Always remember, though, that while you may not have full control over initial contact – you always have control over how you react (or, subsequently, interact). With places or experiences, the choice of how to interact may more easily be yours. If, in a perverse way, you enjoy a headfuck, well then you can revisit at your leisure/ pleasure.

There are, of course, exceptions to this where you may have a more limited choice – such as the workplace, for economic necessity. I have worked in these places, I know. After a while, it becomes easier to accept headfucking as the norm. That is, until it starts to affect your relationships and any life you have outside work. Well, then it is definitely time to quit.

People are tricky headfuckers. If you have a gut reaction to someone that says ‘stay the hell away!’ go with it, it works. Whether you’re attracted to that person for friendship or sex, it won’t end well and the path to the end won’t be that much fun, either. Remember, you will never get back those days of your life that they have wasted. Ever.

Sitting around waiting for someone to give you a straight answer, to respond to your messages, to meet you when they said they would? Don’t. Life’s too short. There are people out there you could be having a good time with now. Yes, you know them – the ones who’ll not let you down, the ones who’ll not give you mixed messages, the ones who’ll not just lurk online. They do exist.

Maybe, you go back to the headfuck because you’re giving them the benefit of the doubt (‘Everyone else says they’re OK – must be me, let’s try again’). Maybe, you have an overwhelming sense of curiosity (‘Are they really that bad? How come? Let’s find out’). Maybe, you believe you can fix them (‘What happened to make them so shitty? Let me help’). In these cases, you are self-gaslighting.

Seriously, don’t waste your time (that’s the headfucker’s job). Go with your instincts and get out with your self-respect intact, not in tatters. If you doubt your instincts (why?), ask yourself: ‘Would I be ashamed to treat another person this way?’ Chances are (unless you’re a headfucker, too) the answer will be ‘Yes’. Get the fuck away from them. Now.

If you find the headfucker sexually attractive and hold out hope for some action this, too, is a waste of your time. These people are all about themselves. The most you can hope for is that you are helping them to jerk off (in whatever miserable way they see fit) – and that’s not the best you can have, even if times are lean. You are worth more than a box of tissues.

Certainly, you won’t get any satisfaction from a headfucker (though they will, at your expense).

So, what precautions can you take? Here are some simple ones:

1. Trust your instincts. Bad feeling? Keep a distance physically and online.
2. Maintain your self-esteem (no-one needs to set the bar this low).
3. Stay in control of how you react and (if you must) interact.
4. Self-medicate: stock up on chocolate and B vitamins.
5. Keep good friends close. The ones who tell it like it is and who make you laugh out loud.
6. Keep busy with creative projects.
7. Exercise – mentally and physically.
8. Get enough sleep.

Take care of yourself, you’re worth it.